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The Importance of Powerful Relationships: What Can We Learn From Them?

    The quality of the relationships around us largely determine our effectiveness and happiness.  If you are in any way a part society and do not live under a rock, it's safe to assume you have an idea of what I am talking about.  Relationships are part of our lives each and everyday.  Some are complex and others might seem inconsequential in nature.  Relationships are evident at home, work, school, your local bank, your neighborhood grocery store, churches or places of community gatherings, and yes - even social media! The latter is the newest type and it cannot be ignored nor minimized as we are consumed by it now more than ever. 

    For the sake of this blog I'd like to focus on what is known as the "powerful" relationships.  What is the powerful aspect of these relationships?  The answer will vary from person to person as the decision to label it as "powerful" is up to each individual.  I will ask a client during a coaching session, "What powerful  relationship would you like to focus on today?", and the answer could be one of many of course.  We do however tend to focus our attention on those we are struggling to communicate with, open up to, or ones where there is a conflict or displeasure.  I'll take one example surrounding the sometimes very stressful Valentine's Day.  Let's dig in and explore:

    What can a day filled with the wonders of love, compassion, and affection tell us about the health of our own current relationships?  Think about the person you want to share this holiday with.  Is it someone new in your life? Is it someone you've shared this holiday with for many years? What are their expectations if any? What are yours? How much time and energy have you consumed getting ready for this day? Is it important to you as much as it is for them? Are you ready for it? Are you stressing over it? Those are some basic questions that you would think you already know the answers to, but surprisingly many of us don't.  So what do we default to?  The simple answer is ASSUMPTIONS. 

    To some people this is a day to shine of course.  They have all their ducks in a row and execute the plan for the day flawlessly.  The outcome is glorious and the experience as a whole will be one of legacy and beautiful memories for years to come.  And then of course they will feel the need to top it off next year.  That is a very popular trend in our society today as we are creatures of habit and have  desire to evolve and show our ever loving support for others.  I, however would love to explore and help those that have trouble navigating within the powerful relationships.  

    What are some tips and tools that can help in understanding each other better and lessen the need to make assumptions about our needs and wants.  Let me show you the following chart:


    In a simple example you would start in quadrant #1 (Bob thinks that Sally would like to go to this Italian restaurant downtown to celebrate Valentine's Day), then quadrant #2 (Bob sets up the reservation and make the plans accordingly and lets her know.  Sally assumes that the big question will be popped because both of them really never go downtown and its the fanciest place, so then she tells her friends). Then quadrant #3 (Sally is excited and wonders about the possibilities, she opens up to her personal friends, starts looking at dresses online and looking at dates out of sheer excitement), Then quadrant #4 (Bob notices an open internet page with some wedding planning pages and another one with dresses).  Bob is back in quadrant #1 and is now in a prickly pickle because in this version of the story he is just wanting to have a nice dinner!  Do you see what assumptions can do even in the simplest of examples? 

    This is just an illustration in the spirit of Valentine's Day and I hope you enjoyed it, but in honesty, what assumptions have you continuously made about people's needs and wants.  Whether its a loved one, a coworker, a friend, a boss, one of your employees, a family member.  There are many relationships that we find powerful as they are a direct correlation to our effectiveness and personal happiness.  If they matter so much wouldn't they warrant better communication? An open dialogue and a secure attachment style is definitely the way to improve these relationships and that would lead to eliminating the assumptions that are hindering the complete and honest connection with one another.

    My hope is that you may experience powerful relationships in a way that allows for deep connection and understanding as well as a desire to stay present and enjoy fully those experiences.

Love your journey....

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