Skip to main content

The Importance of Powerful Relationships: What Can We Learn From Them?

    The quality of the relationships around us largely determine our effectiveness and happiness.  If you are in any way a part society and do not live under a rock, it's safe to assume you have an idea of what I am talking about.  Relationships are part of our lives each and everyday.  Some are complex and others might seem inconsequential in nature.  Relationships are evident at home, work, school, your local bank, your neighborhood grocery store, churches or places of community gatherings, and yes - even social media! The latter is the newest type and it cannot be ignored nor minimized as we are consumed by it now more than ever. 

    For the sake of this blog I'd like to focus on what is known as the "powerful" relationships.  What is the powerful aspect of these relationships?  The answer will vary from person to person as the decision to label it as "powerful" is up to each individual.  I will ask a client during a coaching session, "What powerful  relationship would you like to focus on today?", and the answer could be one of many of course.  We do however tend to focus our attention on those we are struggling to communicate with, open up to, or ones where there is a conflict or displeasure.  I'll take one example surrounding the sometimes very stressful Valentine's Day.  Let's dig in and explore:

    What can a day filled with the wonders of love, compassion, and affection tell us about the health of our own current relationships?  Think about the person you want to share this holiday with.  Is it someone new in your life? Is it someone you've shared this holiday with for many years? What are their expectations if any? What are yours? How much time and energy have you consumed getting ready for this day? Is it important to you as much as it is for them? Are you ready for it? Are you stressing over it? Those are some basic questions that you would think you already know the answers to, but surprisingly many of us don't.  So what do we default to?  The simple answer is ASSUMPTIONS. 

    To some people this is a day to shine of course.  They have all their ducks in a row and execute the plan for the day flawlessly.  The outcome is glorious and the experience as a whole will be one of legacy and beautiful memories for years to come.  And then of course they will feel the need to top it off next year.  That is a very popular trend in our society today as we are creatures of habit and have  desire to evolve and show our ever loving support for others.  I, however would love to explore and help those that have trouble navigating within the powerful relationships.  

    What are some tips and tools that can help in understanding each other better and lessen the need to make assumptions about our needs and wants.  Let me show you the following chart:


    In a simple example you would start in quadrant #1 (Bob thinks that Sally would like to go to this Italian restaurant downtown to celebrate Valentine's Day), then quadrant #2 (Bob sets up the reservation and make the plans accordingly and lets her know.  Sally assumes that the big question will be popped because both of them really never go downtown and its the fanciest place, so then she tells her friends). Then quadrant #3 (Sally is excited and wonders about the possibilities, she opens up to her personal friends, starts looking at dresses online and looking at dates out of sheer excitement), Then quadrant #4 (Bob notices an open internet page with some wedding planning pages and another one with dresses).  Bob is back in quadrant #1 and is now in a prickly pickle because in this version of the story he is just wanting to have a nice dinner!  Do you see what assumptions can do even in the simplest of examples? 

    This is just an illustration in the spirit of Valentine's Day and I hope you enjoyed it, but in honesty, what assumptions have you continuously made about people's needs and wants.  Whether its a loved one, a coworker, a friend, a boss, one of your employees, a family member.  There are many relationships that we find powerful as they are a direct correlation to our effectiveness and personal happiness.  If they matter so much wouldn't they warrant better communication? An open dialogue and a secure attachment style is definitely the way to improve these relationships and that would lead to eliminating the assumptions that are hindering the complete and honest connection with one another.

    My hope is that you may experience powerful relationships in a way that allows for deep connection and understanding as well as a desire to stay present and enjoy fully those experiences.

Love your journey....

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How life coaching can help you answer the age ole question, Who am I?

  In reading Don Miguel Ruiz's "The Three questions", I came across chapter 8 which is titled, "The Commander in Chief", and noticed I had a few fresh perspectives.  The Commander in Chief is considered the position of the president of the United States.  To most it is a position of power and sometimes prestige depending on your perspective.  To others its a position that no one wants as it includes many responsibilities that frankly most people don't care to take on for obvious reasons. So how does this chapter in this book help to answer the popular question, "Who am I"?     In essence you are the commander in chief of your own personal government.  You are in charge of how you manage your thoughts, actions, and how you take care of your body.  You decide how to react to others that want to be part of your own personal government.  You make your own rules and set the boundaries you wish others to respect.  This might seem difficult to ...
Post a Comment
Read more

When Opportunity Knocks, Will You Be Ready?

      There is a popular belief that the right or perfect opportunity doesn't come around often or even comes around at all.  Some people tend to wait around for that chance to somehow show up one day when the timing is right.  Others go create their own opportunities in a proactive manner.  Where might you be on this spectrum?  Are you possibly the one waiting for the opportunity to come knock at your door?  Are you maybe the one who continuously seeks opportunities and is willing to try anything? Or maybe you are a calculated opportunity seeker who measures and analyzes constantly?  Or maybe, just maybe you are the one that did not answer that "knock on the door" in the past and have regretted it since then?  My hope in this blog entry is that I can share some perspectives with you on " Being ready to answer " when an opportunity knocks.       At times I've had clients come to me with regret due to a missed opportun...
Post a Comment
Read more

Commencement: The act of starting out, or blazing a new trail.

    In the spirit of college and high school graduation season I want to explore the ties between commencement ceremonies and life changing perspectives.        I sometimes get clients that are experiencing a new part of their journey. They are moving from one experience to another one. Just as a graduate finishes their studies and is ready to take on the new challenge of using what they have learned over the last few years. There are many emotions associated with this accomplishment. Some feel energized and others feel uneasy and maybe even unsure of where to begin.       The same could be said of those who are transitioning in other parts of their lives. This could be a new job, a new career path. They could be looking for a fresh start due to an ending relationship or even a start of a health journey due to past illness. Either way they are “graduating “ from that life experience and taking what they have learned to use in their ...
Post a Comment
Read more